Now Watching: Army of the Dead

Zombies. Las Vegas. Casino Heist. Army of the Dead has such a great premise but completely wastes it. It’s not often I get mad at a film because I feel like I’ve totally wasted my time watching it, but that’s how I felt when I finished with this garbage. There’s absolutely nothing – not a single moment – in this film that’s worth enduring the ridiculous two and a half hour run time.

It takes nearly a full hour before our band of merry mercenaries even enter Vegas and yet, despite the time it took to get there, we still barely know a single one of our characters. Army of the Dead can’t quite decide if it wants to be silly or serious. You’ll jump from a terrible and way too long, ‘heartfelt’ scene between father and daughter, to a zombie being splattered by a cartoon booby trap.

The only interesting thing I’d say Army of the Dead does is the notion of a zombie ‘king’ and the idea that the zombies (at least the smarter ones) can be bargained with. But the film doesn’t really explore or do much with this concept and ultimately, they could have just been dumb as rocks, run of the mill undead. And maybe that would have actually been better.

The father / daughter sub-plot was completely unnecessary. Too many scenes drag on for far too long. The serious stuff falls flat, as does the humour. The film never takes advantage of the setting in any clever or creative ways. Even if I tried to cut this movie down by trimming everything not essential to the core plot, you’d still be left with a pretty mediocre film, but at least it would be shorter.

I’ve seen far worse films than Army of the Dead, but not many that are quite so disappointing, not when you look at the premise, the budget or the talent involved. I recall liking Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead remake. That’s why I thought this would be pretty fun. But it’s not. It’s mostly boring, stupid and it’s far too long. Don’t waste your time with this film. Don’t be tempted by that cool sounding premise. It’s not worth it.

4/10