Gallery: Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice

Now Watching: The Last Jedi

The Last Jedi features what may be the slowest and least exciting chase in cinematic history. The Resistance are on the run from the First Order, whilst Rey attempts to convince Luke to return from his self imposed exile.

But didn’t the Resistance destroy the main base of the First Order in The Force Awakens? How did the First Order get so strong, and the New Republic so weak? I was willing to gloss over the Resistance/First Order nonsense in TFA so I’d be wrong to nitpick it here, but it does feel silly that this new trilogy has already reset the galaxy to plucky Rebels vs evil Empire as if that’s the only story they can tell.

And despite seeing people say this film takes the trilogy in a new direction, or makes bold creative choices – it really doesn’t. The ‘throne room’ scene between Rey, Kylo and Snoke plays out nearly identically to the scene between Luke, Vader and the Emperor in Return of the Jedi.

Luke/Rey willingly turn themselves over to Vader/Kylo hoping to turn them to good. The Emperor/Snoke force Luke/Rey to watch the rebel fleet being destroyed, then torture the shit out of them, before Vader/Kylo turn and kill him. And the final battle on Crait is just the Battle of Hoth from the Empire Strikes Back. Not that I hate these scenes, or anything. The throne room sequence is probably the strongest part of the film, but it’s nothing we haven’t seen before.

I have very mixed feelings about TLJ. There’s some really good stuff in here, but also a lot of bad and an awful lot of dumb. Some of the creative choices in this film are simply bizarre. There are numerous attempts at comedy, some of which land, but many others which don’t and create an odd clash of tone.

The plot, despite a relatively simple set up, turns into a convoluted mess. You’ve got two threads – Rey with Luke, and the rebels (Poe, Finn and Rose) trying to elude the Imperial fleet. But when Finn and Rose fly off to an entirely different planet, it’s like stepping into an entirely different film. It also makes a complete joke of their dire predicament if they can apparently come and go as they please.

The codebreaker they’re searching for (and also find purely by luck) turns out to be such an unnecessary character. Why couldn’t Rose have been the code cracker, and we could have had a properly fleshed out and exciting infiltration mission for Finn, Poe and Rose onboard Snoke’s ship? Instead, we get another plot thread that is ultimately pointless and only serves to kill any tension from the ongoing chase. We also get left with Poe attempting a mutiny because the new admiral won’t tell him her plan – aside from ‘let’s wait to get blown up and die’ – for no reason whatsoever.

And then we have magic flying space Leia, and force hologram Luke. The Leia thing was just weird and dumb, but if you’re going to kill off Luke, why not just have him arrive on Crait in person and pull an Obi-Wan? I mean, you’ve already mirrored scenes from Empire and Jedi, so why not do A New Hope too? Instead, he just projects himself to punk Kylo and then dies because he’s . . . old, I guess?

You probably think I hated this film, but I really didn’t. At times it was dull, at times it was stupid (Poe’s mutiny) and at times it was just f**king weird (dancing Yoda). But I also found it entertaining and I can’t say I didn’t enjoy watching it. The whole film is just a mess of contradictions. It’s one of the strangest films I’ve seen – in a good way, for the most part.

Because despite all of its flaws in logic and plot, it’s a film (like TFA) that’s carried primarily by the strength of its characters. They’re the reason I didn’t check out half way through. They’re the reason I enjoyed watching this clusterf**k of a film. I’d say it’s not as good as TFA in the sense that TFA told a more coherent story, but it’s certainly far more interesting to watch.

The real problem is, where do they go from here? It’s clear they had no real plan for this trilogy, so this film just presses the big reset button ready for the next one. It ends pretty much as it began. We’re going to get another Death Star, aren’t we?

6/10

Now Playing: The Forest

The Forest is a first person survival game in which you play as the survivor of a plane crash upon a mysterious island. I recently played The Long Dark, another first person survival game with a similar premise. But whereas The Long Dark is a more slow, methodical tale of surviving the desolate wilderness – where the cold is your greatest threat – The Forest is a faster paced, more action focused game. Because in The Forest, you’re sharing the mysterious island upon which you crash with a tribe of flesh eating cannibals.

And the cannibals are probably the most interesting and unique part of The Forest experience. Although you can choose to play without their presence, it’s the cannibals which are easily the star of the show, and they elevate The Forest beyond what would otherwise be a rather mundane and repetitive survival experience.

Your first encounters with this tribe may not necessarily be hostile. They seem curious about you and your activity. They won’t just attack. They may observe, they may approach, but they won’t get too close, not unless they feel threatened. By relocating your camp, not lighting fires at night, and staying on the move, it’s possible to avoid contact entirely.

But the more you impose yourself upon their world – by felling trees, hunting wildlife and building outposts, the more aware and wary of you they become. You’re as much of a threat to their world, as they are to your life. Conflict becomes inevitable, and the first cannibal life you take won’t be your last.

 

As time goes on, the tribe will become increasingly hostile, and you’ll be dealing with deadlier threats than a cannibal hunting party. Greater dangers lurk in the extensive cave network beneath the island. And once you begin delving into these dark and gloomy caverns, The Forest begins to feel more like a survival horror game.

Unlike many survival focused games, The Forest isn’t entirely a sandbox experience. You can play it that way, but the game does have a ‘story’ of sorts and a primary objective to complete – to locate your missing son. You’ll also unlock side objectives as you explore. But these objectives remain entirely optional.

The problem is, The Forest both is and isn’t a sandbox experience. It attempts to walk the line and it wobbles. The sandbox element lacks the randomisation that would benefit repeat play. I’m not expecting the entire layout of the island to change, but cannibal villages, patrol routes and most notably – unique items – could be randomised each game.

And because the ‘story’ is entirely optional, it’s also not very good. There’s no real sense of progression, of taking the logical steps to locate your son. You simply have to explore the island thoroughly until you locate the necessary story items and final location. I stumbled upon it whilst exploring one of the caves. And although I quite enjoyed the final story area, I didn’t feel like I’d progressed through the story in any way. I just kind of fell into the ending by accident.

 

But I do like that The Forest gives the player a goal beyond survival for the sake of survival. Because like so many survival games which focus purely on the sandbox experience, once you’ve established your outpost and have access to a steady supply of food and water, it’s easy to fall into a safe but monotonous routine. But by giving the player a goal to achieve, it forces them to take risks – to enter the cave network beneath the island in the hope of finding their son.

Exploring the cave network can be a genuinely unsettling experience. And it’s not just cannibals that lurk beneath the surface. I won’t spoil the kind of threats that lie below, because I wasn’t aware of them going in, and the first time I encountered one was pretty f**king unnerving. I can’t recall the last time a game made me say ‘NOPE!’ and backtrack out the way I came in.

But if you want to progress through the story and also discover all of the unique and useful items in the game – tools and weapons that will make your survival that little bit easier – then you need to sack up and head below. Just make sure you’re prepared for what’s waiting for you. I just wish they’d made these unique items easier to spot in the dark and sometimes cluttered cave environments. It’s very easy to simply walk by a key story item.

As you’d expect, there’s a crafting system in the game for tools and weapons, and a fairly decent construction system allowing you to build your own large or small outposts. You can build anywhere you want – you’re not locked to pre-set locations – and although building a big walled fortress isn’t strictly necessary to your survival – and probably detrimental given how visible it is – it can be a lot of fun to design and construct your own base.

 

Although I’ve praised the cannibal aspect, I must admit there does come a point when they’re more annoying than dangerous, and once you understand their behaviour, it’s pretty easy to exploit or abuse their limited AI. Like so many video game foes, they’re entirely baffled by rocks. Even the strongest enemies in the game can be easily defeated by positioning yourself upon a slightly raised position.

It’s also a shame we can’t interact with the cannibals more beyond ‘avoid’ or ‘murder and eat’. I’d have liked there to be multiple tribes, each with their own territory. Maybe we could even build some kind of ‘relationship’ with a tribe, through trade or gifts. I understand this isn’t a big budget game, I just think it’s a shame the cannibal interactions and behaviour are so limited, because that aspect of The Forest is by far the most interesting to me.

Overall, The Forest is an enjoyable survival game. I just wish it had explored and developed those unique aspects more – the cannibal behaviour and the story elements – because they elevate the game beyond its somewhat rudimentary survival mechanics. But alongside The Long Dark, it’s probably one of the best survival themed games on the market right now and certainly worth checking out.

7/10

Now Watching: Black Panther

Black Panther is one of the worst MCU films, not in the sense that it’s bad, but because it’s so painfully mediocre. Give it a week, and I’ll forget I’ve even seen it. To rank it on the MCU scale, it falls onto the lower end, dropping somewhere between Doctor Strange and Spider-Man: Homecoming.

And I’d say it shares a lot in common with the recent Homecoming – a messy plot, choppy action, but saved by the strength of its performances and an interesting – if poorly used – villain.

Warning! Spoilers!

The problem with Black Panther’s plot is that it totally falls apart if any of the characters just do the sensible thing. If T’Challa just says no when Erik challenges him – he must suspect Erik was working with Klaw and was responsible for his escape, so why accept? Why not call him out for the liar and murderer he is? He’s already fought one challenger and proven his right to rule. Tradition? Why would anyone in Wakanda care?

And Wakanda is probably the biggest missed opportunity of Black Panther. A technological paradise hidden within the heart of Africa, and what do we see of its culture or people? Aside from a sweeping CGI cityscape, we only ever see a single market street, a throne room, a field, a waterfall and an underground cave.

Wakanda doesn’t feel like a real place with real people – how do those thousands of Wakandan citizens feel about their King having to fight challengers to the death? How do they feel about him being defeated and Erik taking charge? We don’t know, because they don’t seem to actually exist. If a key part of your plot and T’Challa’s arc is him trying to decide what’s best for his people, maybe actually show them?

Why, when Erik is about to kill T’Challa does his personal guard not intervene? Erik is clearly a deranged psychopath, so why agree to follow him? And I’m sorry, but the ‘we serve whoever sits on the throne’ scene is bullshit, especially when they just change their minds later anyway. So if T’Challa hadn’t returned they’d have just let Erik kill millions of people? Seriously? You can’t show characters like Okoye to be strong, noble and good and then expect us to believe they’d just stand by and watch millions of innocents die because ‘tradition’.

There’s lots of other silly little things, but I can’t list them all. Why was Erik even working with Klaw? Why was it so important for Agent Ross to shoot down the Wakandan ships – couldn’t T’Challa have just ordered them to return after defeating Erik? Why did nobody think to check if T’Challa was actually dead? Why would W’Kabi side with Erik when T’Challa returned – if you’re playing the ‘tradition’ card, then he’d agree that the challenge wasn’t over and T’Challa and Erik had to finish the fight alone. But I guess they really wanted a terrible action scene with CGI rhinos.

Oh god, the ‘action’. The best action scenes in Black Panther are as follows – the casino fight, mostly for Okoye tearing shit up with her spear and Klaw chewing the scenery, and the two waterfall challenge fights. You know what they had in common? A lack of CGI and actual fight choreography. I really hate the ‘full body’ CGI models because they always look so fake and terrible. It’s not so bad when it’s a quick cut or shot, but extended sequences or movements take me right out of the moment.

And why did they need to use a CGI model just for two guys going at it with fists? They’re masked anyway, so why not just put some stuntmen in the suits and give us a fight that feels like it actually packs a punch? The final battle between T’Challa and Erik might be the worst thing in the entire MCU. It’s 90% CGI and looks like a bad cartoon. It’s Justice League bad, that’s how awful it looks.

Why not lose the suits – the power of Black Panther isn’t the outfit, as the film makes clear. When you have good actors, why hide their faces? And why not have them duke it out back at the waterfall? It’s would be more thematic and far more visually engaging than a bland, dark CGI train tunnel. Who the f**k thought that was a good idea?

The more I think about Black Panther, the more annoyed I am by it. I really liked the cast, and Erik is a charismatic villain, but sadly, not a very sympathetic one. It felt like this should have been more of an ideological clash rather than a physical one – think Professor X and Magneto – they both want what’s best for their people, but have very different ideas about how to go about it.

The problem is, Erik is a psychopath who murders people for no reason. If we’re expected to sympathise with his character it’s kind of impossible to do when he shoots a woman who was helping him, pointlessly slits another’s throat when she was already beaten and tries to stab the delightful Shuri with a spear. What a dick!

Overall, I was frustrated by Black Panther. They gathered a good cast, but had a shoddy script and disappointing action. I’m glad we’ll be getting a sequel, because I hope the next time, these characters get the story and action they deserve.

5/10

Now Playing: Rise of the Tomb Kings (DLC)

The Tomb Kings are the first, but presumably not the last, DLC race to be incorporated into Total War: Warhammer 2. With the release of the recent Mortal Empires overhaul patch, it seemed an appropriate time to return to Warhammer 2 and give these undead Egyptians a spin.

I’ve probably said before that I don’t know jack about Warhammer, so whenever one of these races are released, it’s always a cool surprise to see what kind of units they have. And the Tomb Kings have what may be the coolest unit selection in the game. Their army roster is diverse and extensive. And from what I’ve seen people say online, it may be one of, if not the most ‘complete’ of the currently released races.

The unit models are fantastic with a high level of detail and some neat animations. They have a wonderful selection of monstrous units, including monstrous infantry, ranged, cavalry and artillery. The Tomb Kings also get 4 Legendary Lords to play as, each with their own unique boosts and starting locations.

As far as their army roster goes, the Tomb Kings are a fantastic addition to the game. The only problem I really have with the Tomb Kings DLC, is that I just didn’t find them that interesting to actually play. I chose to play as the Tomb Kings in the Vortex Campaign, not Mortal Empires. I also chose to play as the Legendary Lord Settra. It’s important to point this out, because my enjoyment – or lack thereof – probably stemmed from these initial choices.

I like that the Tomb Kings couldn’t give two shits about the Vortex and instead have their own objective to complete – to collect 5 magical books. These books are tied to either settlements or rogue armies. Once you have 5 books you can initiate a final quest battle to win the campaign.

The problem is, it’s too damn easy. Sure, Settra may be listed as having an ‘easy’ start, but once I’d dealt with the early threat of some pesky savage orcs – which was pretty tough when you can only field lots of trash skeleton units – I had pretty much zero challenge for the rest of the campaign.

I thought the other Tomb King factions would be competing with me to collect the books, but they don’t seem interested in them at all. It would have been great if I’d been fighting them to secure the books, but because they just ignored them, there was never any real risk I might lose.

In fact, once I’d secured my home regions, I didn’t really have anyone to fight. Because you’re not invested in the Vortex race, the other main races are happy to ignore you or just trade with you. And the other Tomb Kings, as I’ve said, don’t seem to care about the books. At least, the other factions in my campaign didn’t. So I could just sit back, relax, and collect each book in turn.

I got 3 of the books from rogue armies, but these didn’t even move around the map – they just remained in one spot the entire time as if they were waiting for me to come get them. But I must admit, the rogue army fights were fun with their odd mix of units.

I had no real competitor. I had no real enemies to fight. It was a race against myself to see how quickly I could collect the books and I had them all barely 60 or so turns into the campaign. And that was taking my sweet time building up my settlements so I could unlock the cooler, higher level monstrous units. The final quest battle was a lot of fun – although it might kill your frame rate – but I didn’t feel any real sense of achievement by the end of it. The campaign was just too damn short and too damn easy.

Which brings me back to those initial choices of campaign and Lord. I do wonder if I’d played as a different Lord with a different starting location if I’d have enjoyed this campaign more. I also wonder if I’d have enjoyed playing as the Tomb Kings more in the Mortal Empires campaign and focused primarily on conquest. I think there’s a good chance I probably would.

But this review is of the campaign I did play – Settra in the Vortex Campaign – and I found it to be a little lacklustre. Not bad, just not as exciting as I’d hoped given the fantastic roster. I’d probably give the campaign a 6 and the roster an 8 – maybe a 9 – so I’ll drop a final score somewhere in the middle.

7/10

Now Watching: Ready Player One

Ready Player One may be the most vacuous movie I’ve seen in years. It’s the cinematic equivalent of an eight year old smashing their favourite toys together. It’s a movie completely devoid of substance. The plot is paper thin, the characters are shallow, the world is poorly constructed and the action is lame. The best thing I can say about Ready Player One is that the pop culture references aren’t as obnoxious as I feared.

Ready Player One opens with a 20 minute expository voice over introducing us to Wade Watts, the hero who must enter the virtual world of Oasis to find three magical keys.

These keys grant whoever holds them total control over Oasis – plus a f**k ton of cash – and Wade needs to find them before the nefarious IOI Corporation can stop him.

Wade isn’t the most likeable protagonist. When he first meets Artemis – AKA Love Interest – he forcibly prevents her from attempting to get the first key because he doesn’t think she can. It’s a dick move, and a totally unnecessary one considering there’s no real danger in the virtual world.

She can’t actually be hurt or killed, so why not let her try? It’s like playing a video game with someone and then snatching the controller from their hand before they tackle a boss because you don’t think they’re good enough to beat it. It’s just f**king rude.

And the lack of a real threat in Oasis is a problem which persists throughout the movie. What happens in Oasis doesn’t really matter. There’s no real stakes, tension or consequences. If you die, you can just respawn. If you fail, and can just restart.

The movie also goes out of its way to establish certain rules – actions performed in Oasis must be performed physically in reality. Wade uses an omni-directional treadmill, although how he can afford it considering how poor he is, the movie doesn’t even try to explain. Does he have a job? Does he earn money in Oasis? How?

But Ready Player One happily breaks these rules whenever it’s convenient. Characters flip about or move in ways which make no sense if they’re supposed to be performing these actions in reality. But I can’t say I’m too fussed about the logical inconsistency because the movie really isn’t worth it.

I think the most irritating aspect of Ready Player One is the ‘relationship’ between Wade and Artemis. Wade ‘falls in love’ with her in the Oasis after about five minutes and she rightly tells him he doesn’t even know who she is – not in reality. You might think the movie might do something a little more clever or unexpected with this notion, but you’d be wrong.

It turns out that Artemis is just a pretty girl with a barely noticeable birthmark. Seriously? And that’s why she thinks Wade would be ‘disappointed’ if he met the real her? At no point does Wade consider she might be disappointed if she met him. And, of course, she also ‘loves’ Wade because . . . because it’s in the script, I guess? This is the point Ready Player One feels more like a teenage wank fantasy than an actual plot.

It wouldn’t be so bad if Wade had some kind of character arc or growth and realised that Artemis wasn’t just a fantasy but a real girl who can easily handle her own shit – but he doesn’t. Hell, even at the climax he shoots her avatar because he doesn’t trust that she’s capable of looking after herself.

Actually, the most irritating part of Ready Player One is the ending. Wade gets the keys to Oasis and learns a most valuable lesson – reality is . . . more real than a virtual one? No shit, Sherlock! He then decides he’s going to switch off Oasis for a couple of days each week to force people to ‘experience reality’.

But the whole point of the movie was to prevent the IOI Corporation from gaining control of Oasis and keeping it free and open for everyone. By deciding you’re just going to prevent people from using it on whatever days you feel like . . . isn’t that just as f**king bad? What if people work the rest of the week and only get to play Oasis on the days he’s decided they should ‘experience reality’? F**k those people, I guess?

It’s not like people can live in Oasis. They need to eat. They need to work. What Wade is doing is the equivalent of shutting down Steam, PSN or X-Box Live two days every week because he feels like it. Want to chill after work and play some games? Not today, asshole! You need to go out and experience the real world! Maybe they already have and just want to relax in their own time, not when Wade decides they can.

I guess it’s an easy position to take when you’re a billionaire and can do whatever the f**k you want, but does Wade forget where he began? Living in a dingy shack? What about all those other poor sods still living in dingy shacks? What are they supposed to do on the days Wade turns off Oasis? Sit around being miserable in their own filth? Oasis was an escape for Wade, but because he’s now rich he thinks it’s okay to deny that escape for everyone else? What a dick!

When I finished watching Ready Player One, I thought it was mostly just forgettable trash, but the more I think about it, the more irritated I am by it. The references aren’t as annoying as I thought they’d be based on the trailer – they’re mostly background candy and aren’t really relevant to the plot. Because that’s all they are – Things You Know. They’re not used in any kind of clever or interesting way. They’re just there to be recognised.

Overall, Ready Player One is a shallow, forgettable, empty and meaningless movie with nothing interesting to say. Avoid.

4/10