Gallery: Bayonetta 3

 

 

 

Now Playing: Bayonetta 3

We’re done. It’s over. Everyone go home. Video games just peaked. In all the years I’ve been writing this blog and reviewing games I’ve never given a game a 10/10 score. A few came close, but now it’s finally happened. Bayonetta 3 is a phenomenal masterpiece. If this game doesn’t deserve it, nothing will.

I don’t think I’ve sat, open mouthed, not believing what I’m seeing so much since the original Bayonetta. There was a moment at the end of Chapter 12 when I wanted to put my controller down and clap like an American in a movie theatre. And then I got to the ending that takes you from feeling sad, to bittersweet, to grinning from ear to ear and pumping the air with your fist.

Bayonetta 3 isn’t just a fantastic game in its own right, it’s a fantastic sequel and a fantastic conclusion to this incredible trilogy. It’s both a unique entry playing in its own unique way with new mechanics, new weapons, new enemies and characters, and something of a greatest hits collection reflecting the best of the previous games. It’s a joyous celebration of Bayonetta as a series and a character, but also of video games in general.

There’s a real, genuine, unashamed love for the medium here that’s so rare to see these days. Bayonetta 3 is a game that celebrates the past but also sets up a potentially wonderful future for the series. I’m going to keep this review as spoiler free as I can but what I will say is Bayonetta 3 isn’t the end, but the prologue to a new beginning. I don’t know if we’ll ever get to see it but if we don’t, Bayonetta 3 is the perfect way to bow out.

There’s always been a debate about which game is better – Bayonetta 1 or 2. Whilst I lean more towards Bayonetta 1 in terms of combat mechanics, I love both games almost equally. I love the fact that they do play differently and explore different mechanics. So I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise that Bayonetta 3 also plays quite differently to the previous games and that’s another reason – to me, at least – why it’s so damn good.

Bayonetta 3 combines the incredible creative depth of Bayonetta 1, with the over-the-top flashy style of Bayonetta 2. There’s so much potential within the combat system that even after 30+ hours of play I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface. With so many new weapons and demons to play with, and the ability to combine them all into stunning combos, this is a game you can easily sink endless hours into testing different variations.

The big new mechanic of Bayonetta 3 is ‘demon slave’ in which you can summon a demon (for a limited time) during a fight. At its most basic, you use the demon to attack your foes and inflict heavy damage. But each demon you unlock has it’s own unique style and attack pattern in addition to a special attack. You can also queue up attacks for your demon and continue to fight alongside them.

You can even combine different demon attacks in ways I’m still figuring out. Weaving the demons into your play, using them to add to your combo – there’s so many possibilities it’s kind of ridiculous. And then we have the weapons – you’ll be unlocking new ones practically every other Chapter.

Each weapon is related to a specific demon which changes not only how you traverse the environment but also has a unique, special attack. You can’t set different weapons to hands or feet in Bayonetta 3, but you can still switch between two weapon sets and combine them in some incredibly creative ways. And that’s what lies at the heart of what I love so much about this game – it gives you what feels like a never ending box of toys to play with. It lets you be creative. It gives you control. There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to play. You play the way you want to.

Bayonetta 3 is a game that just keeps on giving. Every single Chapter introduces new enemies, new weapons, new demons and new gameplay mechanics. There are unique action set-piece moments all throughout the game. Whereas in Bayonetta 1 & 2, moments like this were confined to a handful of Chapters, in Bayonetta 3 these moments kick in regularly throughout the game and offer smaller, but far more varied experiences.

These moments, the majority of which are singular, one off events, offer unexpected and fun variations to the gameplay and pay loving homage to other games and genres. These are moments that other games would just treat as a non-playable ‘cinematic’ cut-scene. Not Bayonetta 3, son. No. You get to play that shit.

And then we have the ending which I absolutely love. I think it’s f**king amazing and yes there’s dancing – so much dancing. Certain aspects of the ending are a little ambiguous which I’m sure won’t sit well with some players who may mistakenly interpret things in the worst possible way but honestly, I like the fact that Bayonetta 3 isn’t so overt when it comes to the more emotional aspects of its story.

And I’m sure there will be those who also won’t like the new playable character – Viola – but I think that will mostly be a case of them struggling to score well with her and they just need to – I hate to say it – git gud. Viola is only playable for a handful of Chapters and works a little differently to Bayonetta.

Whereas Bayonetta dodges to activate witch time, Viola has to parry – and the better the parry timing, the longer witch time lasts. But the parry ‘window’ isn’t quite as generous as the dodge window for Bayonetta, so she’s certainly a character you need to perfect your timing with if you want to parry successfully and consistently.

You don’t have to parry every attack though – Viola can still dodge and use her personal demon summon to help her in a fight. It might take some practice but if you’re willing to properly learn how she plays, I think you’ll find that she’s an extremely rewarding character and a fine addition to the game. Oh, and then we also have Jeanne who returns in Bayonetta 3 in a series of 60s spy show themed 2D side scrolling action / stealth side missions. Because why the f**k not?

Every Chapter is packed with stuff to find including 3 Umbran animals that unlock a bonus mission relating to each Chapter. There are collectibles. There are alternate costumes. There are post-game trials. There’s more content here than the previous games and I like the changes to Chapter replays in which you can load in at multiple points – it makes replaying specific sections much more accessible. It also only updates each verse with your best score and medal, so if you want to skip a verse or two and just focus on one, you can do that without fretting about your overall ranking.

Honestly, I could talk all day about how much I love this game (and its banging soundtrack) but I don’t want to spoil anything and I think it’s best enjoyed and discovered by yourself. Bayonetta 3 is an incredible achievement that should (but likely won’t) get the recognition it deserves, at least not from more ‘mainstream’ gaming press / audiences. It’s too much of a video game for their liking.

But I don’t want to end this review on a sour note. Bayonetta 3 is f**king amazing and one of the best experiences I’ve ever had with a video game. It’s everything I didn’t know I wanted and more. It’s the perfect end to a perfect trilogy and one of the greatest games ever made.

10/10

Now Watching: Thor: Love and Thunder

Thor: Love and Thunder may just be the worst Marvel movie I’ve seen and I’ve seen The Eternals. I can’t think of a single thing right with Love and Thunder. Not a single thing worth keeping if they were to take another crack at it. No. It’s all got to go. It’s all terrible. Scrap everything, and start over.

Love and Thunder doesn’t even feel like a real movie. It feels like a series of cheap, unfunny Saturday Night Live skits. Nobody seems to care. It’s like the whole thing is one big joke. Do you remember those spoof movie clips they’d do at the MTV Movie Awards? Where’d they’d insert a comedic actor into a serious scene? Do they still do that? Are the MTV Movie Awards still a thing?

I don’t know, but that’s how I felt all throughout Love and Thunder. Like I was watching a spoof movie skit. And not a good spoof movie skit. A really, really bad one. Love and Thunder is a farce. A complete and total farce. Whereas Thor: Ragnarok struck the right balance between comedy, drama and action, Love and Thunder suffers almost immediately from tonal whiplash.

The movie opens with a sombre, serious scene but then transitions into a completely ridiculous, MTV level spoof. ‘Haha! I’m an arsehole God and I will throw fruit at you, you pathetic mortal! But please don’t pick up that God-killing sword that’s on the ground right next to you, haha!’

If I didn’t know better, I’d think Christian Bale as Gorr (who at least tries, I guess, to give a somewhat nuanced performance) and the stupid God weren’t actually in the same scene. It was like watching one of those MTV spoof clips. I had a similar reaction to the Thor confronts Zeus scene. It was like Russell Crowe was in the cheap, MTV sketch spliced into the real movie.

Chris Hemsworth has shown he’s great at comedy and Thor can be a funny character – with the right script. Ragnarok was comedic, but it didn’t lose sight of who Thor is. Even ‘fat Thor’ in Endgame wasn’t just played for cheap laughs – we saw a hero struggling with guilt, loss and remorse. In Love and Thunder, Thor is written like Homer Simpson. He’s a complete f**king idiot.

The Guardians of the Galaxy, I’m pleased to say, f**k off out of the movie almost immediately – they’re far too good for this steaming pile of trash. And after another total farce of an action scene, we’re back to sombre and serious with Jane Foster on a chemo ward.

The movie, structurally, is a complete mess with a series of disconnected scenes that all feel like individual spoof skits, none of which are funny. I’m not sure of the exact moment I realised how bad Love and Thunder is – it was either the moment Valkyrie (who feels like an entirely different character) pulls out a portable speaker or the so f**king terrible effect of Heimdall’s son (?) contacting Thor as a floating head.

That kid’s name is Axl, by the way, because Love and Thunder also seems obsessed with playing Guns N’ Roses tracks all throughout the movie. I guess that’s one way to try to cover up your terrible script and trick idiots into thinking your action scenes pack any kind of excitement or emotional stakes. Nah, just slap some Guns N’ Roses over it, that’ll make it look cool, right?

Love and Thunder feels like a movie where they came up with the title and the soundtrack and just worked backwards from there. It feels like a movie that nobody wanted to make, so they made it as bad as possible to see what they could get away with. Is that what Taika Waititi was doing? Intentionally sabotaging his own movie?

Maybe. Or maybe Love and Thunder is a perfect example of a director who’s gotten high sniffing their own farts and desperately needs to be reeled in. Did nobody at Marvel Studios read the f**king script? Did nobody realise how f**king bad this was before they started shooting? Some of the CGI is bad but I don’t really care about that because that’s not what’s wrong with the movie.

The characters are terribly written. The tone is a complete mess. The structure and pacing is awful. The action sucks. The jokes aren’t funny. I can’t believe how bad this movie is. The Marvel movies, at their worst, are at least still somewhat competent. This doesn’t even come close to competent. It’s a joke of a movie. I’m going to try to erase it from my memory. I’d rather watch Thor 2 again than this garbage.

3/10

Now Playing: Bayonetta 3

10 / 10

(Full review coming soon)