Final Fantasy XVI (Demo)

I didn’t pay much attention to Final Fantasy XVI when it originally released on PS5 as I knew the PC version would arrive some time later. I’d seen it receive a pretty positive reception though (87 on metacritic) and as one of the seven people who really liked Final Fantasy XV, I thought I might like this one too.

But then I played this demo and . . . what the f**k? The demo opens with someone talking a load of old bollocks which I kind of expected for a FF game just as I expected the opening to be somewhat cutscene heavy . . . but not this f**king heavy.

I think I’m a pretty patient gamer but FF XVI broke my limit. I’d guess only about 10 minutes of my first hour playing this demo was actually playing the damn thing. I say ‘playing’ but all that really amounts to is pushing forward on a linear path and getting interrupted by another cutscene every twelve steps.

I wouldn’t mind so much if the cutscenes were at least engaging but I found everything terribly dull. Everything is so over dramatic, overly serious and the characters are so wooden you’ll fear getting a splinter. The game keeps tossing in all kinds of dumb fantasy place names but then hilariously names the player character Clive.

I’m not saying the game can’t be serious I’m saying it just doesn’t work, not when the player has no idea who these people are, where these locations are, why X is fighting Y or why Clive is called Clive. It’s like the game thinks if it just piles all this pompous, expository shit onto the player early it will seem important and make us care but none of it does because it’s all in really dull f**king cutscenes.

Let me play the damn game! Eventually I got to a combat tutorial and a little area I could run about in. It lasted about 5 minutes before another round of cutscenes. After another ten minutes or so of those I eventually got into a proper gameplay sequence where I was fighting goblins and it was incredibly lame. The boss fight at the end of this short section was a little more interesting . . . but not much. I didn’t want to judge the combat too much at this point though because Clive didn’t have many abilities unlocked yet.

But this is also when I started skipping cutscenes to get to the gameplay and at one point I think I skipped six in a row without any gameplay to speak of. I then found myself playing as some dumb kid which thankfully lasted about 3 minutes before more cutscenes I had to skip. Then the kid was a giant fire bird and I had to shoot fire missiles at a monster and it was very dramatic but not at all fun. Then the demo ended.

Or did it? Because I then unlocked another section where I could play as Clive with all his abilities unlocked. I thought maybe, just maybe, this would win me over. But no. F**k no. Even with all the unlocked abilities the combat still wasn’t great. It was flashy for sure, but about as deep as a puddle. It’s like a really bad attempt at a Devil May Cry game. Maybe I wouldn’t have cared so much if everything else was great, but with a plot and characters I couldn’t give a shit about, uninspiring environments and enemy designs and rather lacklustre visuals (at least in the demo) the combat was the only thing that could have got me excited to pick this up.

Okay, maybe this is only a demo and the full game is so much better . . . but I just find that hard to believe. Watching some videos of the full game doesn’t make it look any better . . . just more of the same. I just find it bizarre this game landed on an 87. Is it the brand? F**k me, Forspoken had more engaging combat than this and that game only hit a 64 which was probably fair. It also (based on this demo, at least) had a more original and interesting fantasy setting. So what the f**k is going on?